Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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