true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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