Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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