highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
