Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize