it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
