allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
