he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
