He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
