You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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