i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
