why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes