I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects