and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.