I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
