I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
