yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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