are you still at the devil's house?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
