If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
