soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
