It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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