I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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