I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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