i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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