Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
