He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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