Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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