That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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