my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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