I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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