You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you didnt know i had herpes?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
