i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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