I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
why is half of my head shaved?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
