i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
