The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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