Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just high enough for therapy.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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