my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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