I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
