We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
