did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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