I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My balls are so social today.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
