8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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