They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
