just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
