he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
