I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize