my vag is so smooth its legendary
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
