I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
