Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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