did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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