My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and she was petting her beer can
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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