I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
