Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
