I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
