I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
