brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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