So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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