my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
