he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
