She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
