sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Enjoy the penises
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
