I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
