we made out on top of his cat.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
