You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
